EI8HT - The screwball, steampunk time-travel comedy. Urqhuart and Farqhuart, Victorian Era men-at-arms in her Majesty Queen Vic's service, must intervene in Earth history and help avoid the disasters of the 20th century.
Martha and Philippa, a pair of beautiful and sexy female time-hoppers recruit the boys but their plans are disrupted by another pair of cosmic oddities, one an out-of-phase chaotic, former ballroom dance champ with occult connections named Herr Onchle, and the other an English Pope named Potter, who left his own time thread far behind and never looked back.
Their nemesis, Carstairs, wants to frame Urqhuart for the assassination of a peace-minded diplomat and so plunge the world into chaos even earlier than the 20th century. Before altering history for the better, however, they must confront Carstairs - who has transformed into The Devoid, a beast so dreadful that it sucks all humor from its surroundings - and his horde of giant mimes.
The team get one last chance to save the century in Sarajevo, 1914, the Banana of Destiny, well placed, will avoid the horrors of World War I. But Farqhuart is feeling a mite peckish, and, well, if you know any history you know the rest.
Int. Time Chamber – Day
Martha, looking angelic, and Philippa appear in a small, clean TIME CHAMBER.
Both are in full Victorian female regalia. They doff their BONNETS and then, very slowly, peel off their WHITE GLOVES.
On one wall their own 3-D viewscreen switches on, looking out at Urqhuart and Farqhuart.
While they watch, they take the opportunity to loosen various components of their Victorian ensembles. Martha sets Arthur's watch down on a console.
Philippa
Well. I hope I don’t have to kiss him this time.
Martha
Farqhuart's not so bad. But Onchle has some bigger game in play. He had no need for Arthur's watch. It was our Spool he was after.
PHILIPPA
My. These clothes are so... constricting. How did the women of this time manage it?
Martha
Well, for many of the women of this time, dear, a little constriction was a small price to pay for the camouflage it provides.
PHILIPPA
I suppose. Some of them are quite the hippos. Including that Queen of theirs! Someone needs to give her a good pluck.
Martha
Philippa! She's the queen!
Philippa
She?
FREEZE FRAME
Narrator (V.O.)
And here now. We have two beautiful time travelers from... well, let's just say they're not from here. They are universe-class beauties, are they not? Let me just sit back and feast my eyes for a moment. Feel free to do the same. They are so obvious in many ways. They tend to tell their own story wherever they go. They lay their own pipe, as it were....No, not that kind of pipe, you dirty-minded mongrel!
RESUME ACTION
Martha
Hm. Well. I guess she could use a razor, or at least a strong depilatory.
Philippa
By the bucketful.
Philippa looks out at Farqhuart and Urqhuart.
Philippa
(cont'd)
But does it have to be them?
Martha and Philippa, slowly, pull their DRESSES off over their heads. They toss them behind.
Martha
I'm afraid so.
Philippa
Goodness.
Then they pull their OVER-PETTICOATS off same way, toss them back onto their respective PILES OF GARMENTS.
Martha
Goodness has nothing to do with it.
Philippa
(indicating Farqhuart)
I should say not. Look at that one.
Next off come the HOOP PETTICOATS. The women look at the garments oddly. Martha flicks a finger at one of the hoops inside the material. It produces a muffled, metallic CLUNK.
Martha
Philippa dear, some humans pursue greatness. Some have greatness cast upon them.
Philippa
And these two?
Martha
These two? Well, they sort of...step in it.
They remove their UNDER-PETTICOATS.
Philippa
Carstairs is after them too?
Martha
Yes, Carstairs. Carstairs thinks they're significant. So he wants them out of the way.
Philippa
But why would he think that?
Both remove their CORSET COVERS.
Martha
Because we have taken an interest in them.
Philippa
And why have we?
Then their CORSETS come off.
Martha and Philippa
(in unison)
Ahhhhhhh!
Their natural shapes are better than the corsets had made them. Martha's breasts are the marginally more upstanding set.
Martha
Because Carstairs thinks them significant.
Philippa
Oh. Now I understand. It just goes round and round, does it?
They sit back on the stacks of garments that have piled up behind them. Then they commence to unroll the HOSE from each perfect leg. Slowly.
Martha
Something like that.
Philippa
Do you remember when this whole business started?
Martha
Can’t say that I do, no. All I know is that time itself has hit a bumpy patch hereabouts and we have to do something to sort it all out.
All that's left are their sheer white CHEMISES. They lean back, long graceful limbs drawing the eye to the exciting promise barely contained by the last remaining layer.
Narrator (V.O.)
Nnngggggguuhhhh...
The ladies stop to listen.
Philippa
What's that?
Martha
Sounds like drooling.
Philippa
It does a bit, doesn't it?
Martha
(indicating Farqhuart)
It's that one.
Philippa
No. He's more a dribbler than a drooler.
Narrator (V.O.)
(catches himself)
Erf. Excuse please.
Martha
There. It stopped.
Philippa
What will we run into this time, do you suppose? Carstairs has...will have caught on, surely.
Martha
Don't worry. Whatever he will have done, we will have done better, I assure you.
Philippa
Martha?
Martha
Yes?
Philippa
If we can travel through time. How come we always seem to be a little bit late?
Martha
I'll explain later. No time now.
Philippa
Oh.
Camera lingers on the two knock-outs in sexy, pin-up-worthy repose.
Narrator (V.O.)
Gggg...gggg....ggg....Gawd help me.
